Who is responsible for HOPE?

“Hope without action is like a Ferrari in your garage with an empty gas tank.
It’s nice to look at, but it won’t get you anywhere.”
Don E. Smith

I listen to a lot of recorded books. At the end of each book an announcer says, “We hope you’ve enjoyed this book”. That makes me wonder, “If I have just completed listening to the recording of a book you sold me, what are you hoping for?”

• Are you hoping I will buy another one?

• Are you hoping I will refer you to a friend?

• Are you hoping the narration wasn’t too bad?

• Are you hoping I am not lying on the ground bleeding to death because my experience was so bad I slashed my wrists?

What outcome can one expect when someone expresses hope for them? Not much!

So, I’m asking you, “Who takes responsibility for HOPE, the Hoper or the Hopee?”

Why there is so much Hope and so little Progress

Let’s face it, Hope is an orphan. It is born out of the union between desperation and idealism. No one cares for Hope, feeds it or shelters it. It is just recklessly offered to us as a solution and end game. We are asked to believe that, just by its mere existence, Hope is the best solution, ready for deployment with all our desired outcomes intact.

But once Hope is offered, who takes responsibility for it? Who fosters its growth? Who helps it reach its promise? No one.

Hope is an action-less being, requiring only desperate dreaming without any real strategy or commitment. And that is why Hope is an orphan.

When you say to someone, “I hope to see you again,” it is unlikely it will happen unless one or both of you take action to make it happen.

There is no potential in Hope, only desperation. Hope is the first sign of surrender indicating that you have run out of desire and are willing to let someone else do it for you. That’s why I see Hope not as a solution, but as a convenient way of distancing yourself from the outcome.

Most people Hope for a better world but do little to move us in that direction. That’s why there is so much Hope and so little Progress. Hardly anyone takes any action.

Hope is a frivolous expectation devoid of action. Hope without action is delusional dreaming. It is vapor-ware of the heart, a well-intended promise that is empty of potential and realization.

If you want to take responsibility for what you hope for in life, I urge you to take a “leap of Faith”, earn your Trust and stop being a “hope-aholic”.

Hope versus Faith versus Trust

When you begin a journey towards a goal, you are energized by a great expectation and fueled by a dream of achievement. As you move towards your destination, one action is followed by another. The more intention you apply to your actions the greater the opportunity to reach your goal. You examine, test, alter, react, and act again upon your goal all the while building layer upon layer of confidence with each cycle. As you progress, you begin to feel a sense of competence that begins to slowly replace Hope with Trust.

Do you recall the struggles you had as a child hoping you would master the simple task of buttoning a shirt? Now, you no longer “hope” you will do it, you “trust” you will. You have so much “faith” in yourself, that you do it absent mindedly, unconsciously competent in the process.

Hope is for people who bet on life without the ability to control the odds. If that suits you, buy a lottery ticket and “hope” you will win.

But Faith, while a belief in the unknown, has deep roots strong enough to overcome most odds.

The Flip of Faith

We see “miraculous” victories all the time in the sports world. They happen because teams and their individual members devote themselves to a singular goal. They practice, examine, test, alter, react, and act again against every conceivable variation that could occur until they lessen the “odds” against them for reaching their goal.

In 2001, Derek Jeter made one of the most amazing plays in sports history, “The Flip”. This play was successful not because he was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time. He made the play because he knew his best chance to influence the outcome of the play in his team’s favor was to put himself in position to impact the play as it unfolded. Mr. Jeter did not stand around gawking at the play hoping someone else on his team would take action. He saw the opportunity, had faith in his instinct and trusted if the moment came he would take the right action. The play not only saved the game it won the playoff round.

Putting Faith & Trust into Practice: The Hope-Less Speaker

If you are a speaker, here are a few things you can do to eliminate Hope from your skillset:

• Prepare as well in advance of your speaking opportunity as possible

• Practice your content and delivery methodically – record it, analyze it, alter it, make it the best it can be.

• Run a checklist of everything you will need – don’t wait to be surprised by unexpected elements.

• Know your audience – who they are, what they want, and what they expect from you

• Put equal or more effort into the preparation of your speech than you do into delivering it.

The only time Hope is an appropriate response, is after … you have done everything you can - to create as much Trust as you can - that is based on the Faith of the actions you have taken.

You can’t operate in good Faith without Trust. If you do, all you have to go on is Hope. So, when all the “t’s” are crossed and the “i’s” are dotted, when there is nothing left that you can do to influence the outcome in your favor, you may consider Hope as a response.

But, remember when you do, Hope is an orphan and if you embrace it you are now responsible for it.

I trust you found this post to be of use to you and that you will continue to put your faith in this blog. As always, comments and suggestions are delightfully welcome in the comments section below.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

3 Mistakes Executive Speakers Make and How to Avoid Them

3 Mistakes Executive Speakers Make
and How to Avoid Them

"An apology is an excuse for something you could have done right,
if you cared enough to do it right in the beginning." - Don E. Smith

I recently attended a webinar hosted by a company introducing users to the newest version of their online survey tool. I was stoked, expecting to get a sharp, well focused insider's look at something that would make my life easier. A short time into the presentation, we were introduced to the CEO of the company who casually stated to his listeners, "We've never done one of these before, so bear with us."

Bad Executive Speaker! - Go to your room and stay there until you learn to behave better.

Utterly shameless! There is no other way to say it or sugar coat it. If you know you haven't taken the time to prepare and rehearse for a big presentation, all you've done is insulted your audience.

Unfortunately, in today's world, this is all too common. It's no longer a "big deal." Some people use this pretense to lower your expectation, so they don't have to rise to a standard the occasion demands. They think apologizing for not treating you with respect and professionalism makes it okay to underperformance while you pay the price.

The awful part is, this behavior (especially on the part of executive speakers) is pretty much everywhere. Even more shocking, people are settling for this behavior as an acceptable "new standard". We all suffer when one high standard falls to a lower one, and then the lower one to an even lower one, and on and on until we hit rock bottom in the end.

Imagine how that CEO would feel if his heart surgeon stepped into the operating room and announced, "This is the first time I've used this new piece of equipment, so bear with me if I hit some snags."

Imagine you're at your favorite restaurant. Suddenly the Chef erupts from the kitchen and announces to all of the patrons, "I got a new oven today and I haven't quite figured out how to work it. So, bear with us if your food is either undercooked or brunt." How would that make you feel?

The Role of an Executive Speaker

The role of an executive speaker is to use communication to create buy-in, instill certainty and establish trust with their audience. It is almost impossible to do this when you begin a presentation with uncertainty, apology and obfuscation.

The 3 Mistakes Executive Speakers Make

These are the three mistakes executive speakers most often make.

1. They make an excuse to lower your expectations in defense of their underperforming.

As in the case of our CEO earlier, many executive speakers don't put enough effort into the speaking process. They will say things like, "This is my first time doing this," or "Please excuse me if I seem nervous, because I am," or "I had a rough night last night, so excuse me if I seem fatigued (hung over, discombobulated, etc.).

2.    They apologize for a failure on their part.

I once had an executive who did not take the time to pre-read a list of names on an honor roll. It ultimately revealed he had trouble sight reading names. In between each name he read he kept saying, "I'm sorry if I mispronounced your name." Sorry is no excuse for underperforming. "I'm sorry I ran over your dog, but I was texting my therapist at the time."

3.    They think only of themselves and forget about their audience.

Any executive speaker who takes the "stage" without a clear path and plan for making their point and connecting it to their audience cannot be considered "audience-centric".

Being audience-centric means you are keenly aware your audience does not have the same level of understanding of your topic that you have. It means you respect their time, so you will get to your point as quickly as you can.

Being audience-centric means you are aware of your audience even when they are not in the room with you. Think of how many virtual presentations and meeting you attend.

Once, during a live webinar, a senior account executive I supported was speaking to 300 people live and 700 people online. The audio feed from the room was a speaker phone. When the webinar was turned over to him, he stayed where he was (on the side of the room) failing to move closer to the phone. So, while everyone in the room could hear what he was saying, those online could barely hear him at all.

Hardly the best way to create buy-in, instill certainty and establish trust with an audience.

How to Avoid Them

If you want to avoid making these mistakes when speaking, think like a Boy Scout and "Be Prepared".

Every one of these 3 mistakes that executive speakers make can easily be avoided with some dedicated attention and intention.

It has been long established that you only get one chance to make a first impression. First impressions are lasting impressions. A good one can take you a long way. A bad one can stop you dead in your tracks. Most speaking opportunities are one-off events. You either get it right for your audience or they don't get it at all.

Care enough to do it right in the beginning. Take the time to prepare. If you're lost in the process, seek out a coworker, a trusted advisor or a coach to help you get it right.

Remember, the audience is listening. They see you as the perceived authority. Don't destroy their trust with a lame excuse you offer for not taking the time to do it right.

Don’t be “care less” with your speaking opportunities.

Do it right and they will know you respect them. They will buy-in, become certain and trust what you say.

If this post has transformed your ideas about executive speaking, please share your comments below. I'm here to serve you, my reader, and your input is most appreciated.

STICKTOITY: What you need to know about the power of perseverance

“It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.”
Seneca

While doing a puzzle with my 6-year-old granddaughter, I encouraged her to "hang in there" and finish it. I said, "You need to have perseverance." She looked at me quizzically. There I go again. Using big words a 6-year-old cannot understand.

I thought a minute and then said, "What I mean is, you have to get some 'sticktoity'. She laughed at the silly new word, but she got the meaning right away.

Do You Have a “Capacity for Tenacity”?

It has been said, “What is now easy, once was hard.”

Heck, Malcom Gladwell in his book Outliers, wrote all about how many hours of focused practice it takes to master a skill.

10,000 Hours…

• 1,250 eight-hour days

•     40 hours per week for 250 weeks

•   250 weeks = 4.8 years

… of doing nothing but working on developing a skill or area of knowledge.

From Thomas Edison to Michael Jordan to The Beatles and more, our culture is rife with examples of high achievers who dedicated immense hours of focused experimentation, practice, creativity and energy in pursuit of a desire.

How can you make this happen for you? STICKTOITY!

Perseverance, Tenacity and Stubbornness

Perseverance or sticktoity is the ability to remain steadfast in doing something despite difficulty or – and this is very important – delay in achieving success.

Tenacity is the quality or fact of being very determined. Think ant vs. bread crumb.

Stubbornness is the dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something.

So – what’s the big difference? It’s small, but it means everything if you want to succeed.

The first two, Perseverance and Tenacity are skills and attributes of people who will not give up on a desired goal because they believe in it. They are willing to do or try anything to make that shift in performance that leads from anticipation to expectancy. People with Perseverance and Tenacity can see their goal within reach and know that there are changes ahead if they want to reach it.

While Stubbornness is certainly aligned with the first two, it is distinct in that it is based on an unwillingness to embrace change as part of the strategy. Einstein said, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”

Change is not the evil under lord it is usually perceived to be. Change is good. But change doesn’t require a complete overhaul of the system or the process. To better embrace the idea of change, think of it as a transformation. Once you were that because you did that, and now you are this because you did this. Either way, you are still you, just slightly transformed. Transformation makes the dreamable achievable.

That’s why you need to have a Capacity for Tenacity.

A Capacity for Tenacity

All too often, I have seen people “bomb” on the stage and accept that as the final outcome of their ability. No matter how much they want it, they just give up. Some right out of the gate, some after a few tries, and some after years of practice.

What they need is an energy conversion system to help them stave off the effect entropy (the natural tendency of things to deteriorate) has on reaching their goal. Ambition often falls prey to entropy. It is not enough to want something, you have to figure out how to intensify your effort and commitment to overcome the debilitation of delay.

Sometimes the best of intentions, actions, and aspiration are derailed by shortfalls, missteps, and overestimations. These types of delays can have a decaying effect on the energy required to “hang in there”. To succeed in anything, you MUST – absolutely MUST – have an enormous Capacity for Tenacity.

This one ability, in fact let’s call it a skill (because it can be developed), is immeasurable to the achievement of a successful outcome for any endeavor – especially public speaking.

Whatever inspires you to achieve a goal will not be enough to sustain you to the end. Your desire must be continually rekindled by ever increasing amounts of positive energy, attitude and faith. No one can do this for you. It is the most solitary action one can undertake. You may not do it alone, but no matter how much someone loves you or believes in you, you cannot succeed at someone else’s passion. And correspondingly, they cannot succeed at yours.

So you’re probably thinking, what about teams? Don't they work to achieve each other’s goals?

Not really.

Teams that achieve high levels of success do so because they surrender individual identity to team identity. The team, as a single entity (composed of many units) contributes a large amount of positive energy, attitude and faith toward reaching their goal. While their fans may cheer for them, they can’t affect the outcome. Fans rarely, if ever, show up and cheer during practice. That’s what coaches are for.

To succeed you need three elements of STICKTOITY

1. A clearly defined goal based on purpose and passion

2. A reserve of persistent energy

3. A set of unbreakable promises that are driven by unlimited tenacity.

Sticktoity is the power of perseverance times the energy of tenacity. The formula looks like this:

PERSEVERANCE X TENACITY = STICKTOITY

STICKTOITY = Success. And you will get success every time. You just have to be patient, not give up on yourself and work the process over time.

If this post has transformed your ideas about success or not, please share your comments below. I’m here to serve you, my reader, and your input is most appreciated.

 Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

The Most Successful Way to Overcome Your Fear

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed." - Michael Pritchard

In a previous blog I wrote about a “Sticking Point”. When it comes to speaking, F.E.A.R. is the big sticking point for many people. It is an impenetrable barrier that paralyzes and petrifies so many speakers it leaves them speechless. They F.E.A.R. a negative outcome before the event actually happens.

But F.E.A.R. is a perception. It is not real. Beyond the mind, F.E.A.R. has no physical qualities except sweaty palms, shortness of breath, and pounding heart. These physical conditions are caused by mentally induced chemicals. All of F.E.A.R.’s power is derived from the energy of the mind. In most cases, speaking being one of them, that energy tends to be negative.

The speaker is not negative about their topic. The speaker is negative about the speaking event.

There are two kinds of fear. The physical fear and the mental F.E.A.R.

The Fallacy of F.E.A.R.

So, let’s examine F.E.A.R.

Physical Fear
On the TV Show Sherlock, the title character makes this observation about physical fear. "Fear is wisdom in the face of danger." He's right. But he is referring to physical fear - danger. Running into a burning building. Walking down a dark alley. He is not talking about speaking to a group of people. Speaking rarely poses a physical threat to the speaker.

Mental F.E.A.R. is something completely different.

Can you see, smell, taste, hear or touch F.E.A.R.? No. It is completely mental.

F.E.A.R. is imagined. In some cases, F.E.A.R. is quite vividly imagined. Vividly imagined things can be attributed to the unconscious mind. A place behind your conscious mind, the unconscious mind sees all and knows all, but cannot tell the difference between the vividly imagined and the real. This is where your nightmares live. Because F.E.A.R. has no truth, we can confront it and classify it by its “true” nature. I have been purposefully writing “fear” as F.E.A.R. because I want to implant an acronym in you for understanding fear.

F.E.A.R. is a False Expectation Appearing Real.

F.E.A.R. is a wholly imagined experience. The only thing real about F.E.A.R. is the net effect it has on the thinker. So how can you deal with F.E.A.R.?

The Bubble

The Universe abhors a vacuum. The very minute the veil of a vacuum is pierced the Universe will fill that vacuum with energy. Now, imagine each new opportunity to speak is a bubble of emptiness. A vacuum. When you first encounter the bubble, it has no character. It is empty of all energy. Once you pierce the bubble’s veil, that vacuous speaking opportunity is now filled with the kind of energy you release. If your first inclination is to think of the speaking opportunity as a negative experience then the bubble will be negative. You have given it the “False Expectation Appearing Real” energy it needs to exist. If you want to change the nature of the bubble from negative to positive you’ll have to summon up an amount of positive energy equal to the negative energy you released. And that will just get you back to “zero”.

My advice, “Be positive.” See each speaking opportunity as the wonderful, self-esteem building, career-altering, career-changing opportunity it truly is. Prepare. Know your stuff. Practice. Get coaching. Learn the craft.

Once you do, you’ll encounter a new kind of F.E.A.R. One where you Feel Eager And Ready to enjoy the most from each and every speaking opportunity.

I’m here to serve you, my reader, and your input is most appreciated. Don't be 'afraid" to share your thoughts on FEAR in the comment section below.

 Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

The Most Amazing Thing You Can Do With A Smile

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” - Phyllis Diller

In sailing, it is important to “Hit the Deck Running.” In speaking, it is important to “Take the Stage Shining!” This means that from the moment you are introduced you must channel away all distractions and concentrate your total focus on your message, its delivery and your audience.

The first task you have as a speaker is making your audience feel welcome. Make them feel you are happy to be there. You can achieve this by sharing your S.M.I..L.E.

A smile is the most powerful tool you have as a speaker. It is your indication to the audience that what you will share with them will make a difference. It shows that you will willingly give them a slice of you.

What is in a S.M.I.L.E.?

As a speaker, I love mnemonics.

A mnemonic is an easy way to help people remember something by connecting it to an easily remembered word or saying. As a child, you may have used the word “HOMES” to remember the names of the great lakes (HOMES = Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie and Superior). Or this saying, “Super Man Helps Every One” to remember the great lakes according to size.

Here’s a mnemonic to help you remember the power of your smile.

Your S.M.I.L.E. is a… Spectacular Mental Image Loaded with Energy.

A Smile Costs You Nothing and Buys You Everything

Imagine you have a renewable energy source. No matter how much of it you use, your reserve will never run dry. That would be awesome if it could power a car or light you home.

Well, guess what? You do! And, you can use this energy source to power your next speech or presentation.

I call this unlimited energy source… smile power.

Buy the good graces of nature, we are all equipped with an inexhaustible supply of smiles. When you give one away, you very often get one back. Your smile power multiplies and increases the energy of every recipient. That includes every person in your audience too.

You don’t have to be giddy doing it. I said SMILE not laugh.

I once heard a speaker talk about her son who she had lost to a disease. She spoke about how she and her husband were so inspired by his life, they created playgrounds for kids with special medical needs. While she was speaking, there was not a dry eye on the house. But she had a smile on her face. A smile of grace, knowing that she was touching the lives of so many people on behalf of her son.

Practice Makes Connection

A smile should come naturally. But I have had clients tell me, “I don’t like my smile” or “Smiling makes me uncomfortable.” Like any skill we do with purpose, a smile needs to be practiced.

So where do you begin?

At home. In the mirror.

Here’s a smiling exercise I share with my clients.

1. When you wake up in the morning and stumble into the bathroom, take a moment to stare into your eyes, make contact and hold it until you begin to smile at yourself.

2. When you get home from work, head straight to the nearest mirror and take the 2 -3 minutes to repeat your morning exercise.

3. The last thing you do before you go to bed, take a moment to once again stare into your eyes, make contact and hold it until you begin to smile at yourself.

Giving yourself the gift of your own smile is better than a mint on your pillow. It is also a powerful way to program your brain for a positive, relaxing sleep.

Try it. A smile costs you nothing…and will return giant dividends for the energy you invest.

Whether this post brings a smile to your face or not, please comment below. I’m here to serve you, my reader, and your input is most appreciated.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

What Do You Think About Success?

“Success comes in cans, not in can nots.”
Wayne Dyer

Success Defined

There are sticking points and there are "sticky" points. When it comes to skills fulfillment, Success seems to be the one thing that is both sticking and sticky. Is there a difference? You bet there is!

Sticking Point

A sticking point is an obstacle to progress toward an agreement or goal. In many cases the obstacle is not real, but perceived. What causes many to get stuck in pursuit of success is how they define it. Most people think they are successful only when they have attained some lofty goal. Let’s call that point “Z”. And, true, if they do reach point Z they are indeed successful. But what about along the way? What is happening from point A to point Z? Was every attempt to reach the goal a failure or an opportunity to gain feedback and adjust both process and expectation?

Sticky Point

A sticky point is that moment when the effort of an intention becomes magnified by the impact it has on the goal. If you have a plan to do something and you do it with total intention the expectation for achievement is increased by the effort. It's when the experience adds or sticks to the intender's skill. If you can do something a little it means you have the potential to do it a lot. Someone put it this way, "What is now easy, once was hard." The road from hard to easy, from point A to point Z, is paved with great intention.

Success Defined

Success is defined as, "the achievement of an intention." Please note, nowhere in this definition will you find fame, fortune or power. Unless those outcomes are the aim of your intention, they are all by-products of an achievement. Sometimes success eludes people who try hard enough, but struggle with how to define their success. When “success” is not the outcome, most people believe they have failed either because they did not “work hard enough” or because they are “unlucky”. Or worse, they come up short because their goal is unworthy. In truth, it just might be, that at this point in time, their success expectation is unreasonable. When your grasp exceeds your reach, recalibrate your reach. Success is all about intention and managing the expectations that fuel your effort. The more realistic an expectation is in relation to your current skills, resources and experience, the greater the opportunity for success. I like putting it this way, "Success happens when the result of an intention meets or exceeds a reasonable expectation." To succeed you must clarify what constitutes success in relation to your desire and your abilities. Remember, when it comes to success, “Nothing succeeds like a realistic expectation.”

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer