How to Look and Sound Genuine When Speaking to a Camera

"All emotion is involuntary when genuine."
Mark Twain

You may have noticed that video cameras are everywhere!

Nearly everyone has immediate access to a video recording device and they use it to document the important events of their life. There are also a bunch of voyeuristically naive people who live to “catch” a stranger’s “worst nightmare” and then post it on the internet hoping to achieve viral notoriety at someone else’s expense.

Knowing there is a potential for you to be caught off guard and have your integrity virally impugned is a pretty scary thing. The best defense is to always behave properly, act honestly and be genuine. I can’t guarantee you’ll be immune from the amateur paparazzi, but you just might not draw their attention.

Then there is the other side of the coin… the self-inflicted, self-orchestrated video that is painful to watch and does little to enhance one’s stature. There is a trend gaining ground that requires business owners, self-employed, and entrepreneurs to promote their products, services and personal brand on the internet and in social media through the use of video. When creating a video, you must be aware of two pivotal elements, 1) how you sound and 2) how you look.

Every person who approaches this process has two choices, 1) to do it well or 2) to do it at a low, casual level. If you’re considering making a video of yourself, the question you should be asking is, “What do I want people to remember most about the video I am making?”

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN: TAILS

I recently counseled a young man with incredible speaking talents regarding a series of videos he posted on his LinkedIn site. His passion for conveying life lessons and advice on leadership is amazing, but his videos, due to their overtly casual nature, did everything they could to distract from the core of his message. In one video he is talking to his smart phone while driving his car, breaking eye contact with the road several times to face the camera. As a viewer, I was unpleasantly watching, hoping I would not bear witness to a horrible accident. We all recognize that one of the current harbingers of calamity in our society is the distracted driver. We’d all like to do everything we can to eliminate this dangerous behavior. But, the distracted speaker? Honestly, if what you have to say is so darn important, show us some respect. Take the time to put your best effort forward in a thoughtful, clear and undistracted fashion.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN: HEADS

I have worked with a number of my clients, past and present, facing the video dilemma with trepidation on the best way they can be “in control” of the process, remain genuine, and enjoy the final product in the end. From the outset, I stress upon them how important it is to understand that even the most casual touch still demands the best form of communication.

The best communication means with the least distractions or interferences. Try to imagine watching a TV show with lots of static or data drops. It makes for a very taxing experience. As a leader or spokesperson your goal is to create a video that is purged of all interferences, allowing your brand, message and personality to come through unfiltered and at its full impact potential. You can afford to do no less.

But how? Surely it is harder than it appears.

THE HARD ROAD TO EASY STREET

It’s been said that Steve Jobs would rehearse for 17 hours or more for one of Apple’s annual presentations. So, whether you’re thinking the process of looking and sounding genuine in front of a camera is hard or easy you’re right on both accounts. It all depends on how you approach the process. Begin by giving thought to the items below:

• What topic and key points have you identified to talk about?

• How much time have you devoted to thinking about what you want to say?

• How much have you practiced responses to the questions you intend to answer?

• How much practice have you had before a camera prior to your “real” recording opportunity?

• Have you received candid feedback on your practice “performances”?

When you’ve considered all of these process questions your task will either be hard or easy depending on the degree of effort you have put forth. You get to choose which road you’d want to take.

HOW TO LOOK AND SOUND GENUINE

Your ability to Look and Sound genuine can be achieved by exhibiting these three qualities of being genuine:

• Controlling your energy

• Commanding your content

• Conveying your authenticity

Controlling your energy is a nonverbal skill.

Even high-powered CEO’s can do this poorly. Tim Cook, CEO of Apple paces so much, they have had split the screen with one camera following him and another on the Keynote slides. Unfortunately, his bad habit is now becoming systemic as more and more Apple presenters fall into this “style”.

There is nothing wrong with standing still and making your point. The more you move, the harder the audience finds it to be able to concentrate on what you are saying. Learn how to control your energy.

Being able to control your energy includes:

• Taming your wild hands (hair touching, ear scratching, beard stroking, etc.) by having a plan for the use of purposeful and meaningful gestures.

• Having a clear and unstrained voice that speaks at a controlled rate with solid volume and a pleasant pitch.

• Limiting needless body movement including uncontrolled pacing.

• Starting and ending with a smile or assuring face (if your delivering somber news).

• Making solid eye contact and looking at the camera as you would a good friend.

Commanding your content is a verbal skill.

We’ve heard for years that “Content is King”. This is not something new to the digital age. What you say has, is and always be the most important part of any communication. When you ask a viewer to stop and pay attention to you, you’d better be as clear and swift to your point as you can be.

Try following these three simple content command rules:

• Know what you want to say.

• Know how you want to say it.

• Know who is going to see and hear it.

Conveying your authenticity is a social skill.

Authenticity is not charisma. Charisma (a compelling attractiveness or charm) is a perceived quality.

Authenticity is an earned quality. It is acquired through a consistency of behavior that stands the tests of reliability and credibility.

Authenticity can be described as being legitimate, valid, dependable, trustworthy, accurate and truthful. Authentic leaders and speakers convey a sense of believability in how and what they say. In return their audiences place a higher level of their confidence in the products, brands, services and messages they represent.

A great deal of this authenticity comes from the level of self-esteem and self-confidence the speaker has in the content they share, the level of fluency they have on the topic, and the comfort they have speaking about it.

THE GENUINE SPEAKER

If you’re thinking about making a video to promote your brand, company or idea your goal is to be perceived as genuine. This means, don’t try to be anyone but yourself. Know what it is you want to say and how you want to say it. Think about the immortal nature of digital video and its lasting impact on you and your business. Don’t try to do it alone. Solicit the assistance of a colleague or coach to increase your effectiveness.

It truly is easy to look and sound genuine in front of a camera if you put the work in behind the scenes.

I am genuinely delighted to share these insights on How to Look and Sound Genuine in Front of a Camera. Please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague. As always, I am grateful for your support as a reader of my blog and I welcome any comment on this post or suggestions you might have in the comments section below.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

Build your persuasive speeches around the huge power of What, Why and How and you'll never go wrong.

Persuasion.

Have you ever considered the human predisposition toward persuading is most likely encoded in our DNA?

How else can you explain how children learn how to negotiate while building logical arguments long before they learn to tie their shoes. You might even get some negotiation and argument around “why do I gotta tie my shoes” as well.

The proclivity to persuade probably dates back to the first person to step up with an idea for organizing a tribe or convincing people to try something new.

“Hey everybody, instead of wrestling the sabre tooth tiger, maybe we could try poking it with a really sharp stick. A lot. All of us at the same time. I know Stumpy thinks it’s a good idea.” Not that I was there, but I’ve heard rumors.

For leaders and speakers, the ability to persuade through language is a fundamental aspect of their job. Persuasive speaking is a skill that, depending on the speaker’s objective, may use one of several distinct organizational patterns. But at its fundamental level, persuasion requires connection. Connection of the speaker to the needs of their audience, their current mindset and their exhibited behavior.

People can be moved to change by three influencers; what inspires them, why it motivates them, and how it can transform them. The surest way for you to connect your audience to your ideas is to build a pathway for them and share the What, Why, and How of your objective.

Let’s look at each of these influencers.

WHAT

When a speaker or leader desires to persuade, they must first detail a clear vision of the reason for the change they seek.

When you concentrate your initial comments on the What, you have opportunities to identify a host of conditions such as current state, short falls, expectations, disappointments, promise lost, etc.

This is where you can “shake up” your audience and begin to get them thinking about the ideas or solutions you will share. Taking the opportunity to tell your audience what is “broken” is the first step that inspires them to seek change.

The What section of your speech sets the stage for the Why and How sections that will follow by clearly aligning the expectations of your content with your audiences’ connection to your supporting points.

WHY

Lots of people hear lots of good advice every day, but never act on it. Why is that?

Most likely it happens because the good advice is not connected to a compelling reason to follow it. People need to feel there is a compelling reason to take action, to embrace change.

It is not enough to tell your audience they should follow your advice, you must detail for them the benefits your advice will deliver to them. Telling your audience about the best way to lose weight because it worked for you is a start. But telling them how it will change their lives by sharing with them how it will feel, how they will look, how their self-image will increase, etc.

Using a story or example that motivates is an effective way to visualize what your desired change can bring. Essentially, this is a great time to use imagination language. Phrases like What if or Imagine you are… can help you begin to guide your audience towards the shifts you are seeking.

Watch most any infomercial and you will see this strategy deftly delivered.

HOW

I have listened to a lot of motivational talks in my life. In many cases I am left with the same feeling. Emptiness.

While the speakers have been passionate, energetic, insightful and a host of other adjectives, many of them fall short of having the one thing I believe makes persuasive speaking effective - connection.

Many speakers simply forget to connect the What and Why to an executable How.

Advice is great, but without a strategy for implementation the receiver is left with trying to figure out the “How” by themselves.

Persuasive speaking is done to bring about change. Change is the pathway to a destination. The destination is Transformation.

Transformation is the object of every persuasive speaker whether they know it or not. And, if your goal is to lead or influence others, you’d be well served to master the transformative elements of any persuasive speech you plan to give.

POWERFUL PERSUASION

If you’re skeptical about this, all you need do is look at two of history’s greatest persuasive speeches, Patrick Henry’s Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death and Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream.

Both speakers clearly detail for their audience the What (current state of things), the Why (a compelling reason for change) and the How (next steps to follow).

Perhaps this is why these two speeches are held in such high esteem by historians, educators and the public.

THE APPEAL TO INTEREST

A few blogs ago (Mar. 12 ’18) I wrote about WIIFM – What’s In It For Me?

Every audience member has a reason for being there. As a speaker and leader, it would serve you well to understand what these interests are before you start speaking. No matter how clever your idea is or how revolutionary your strategy may be, if you fail to connect to your audiences’ interests you will struggle bringing about the change and momentum you desire.

Follow the simple formula of the three influencers:

1. Tell them What the current state is to inspire them to change.

2. Help them to see Why this appeals to their interest with a compelling reason

3. Share with them the next step on How they can achieve your desired change and transformation.

The next time you need to energize your “tribe” remember interest trumps intellect. Connecting to your audience’s interest is the key to getting them to embrace yours.

Please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague. As always, share your comments on this post or suggestions in the comments section below.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

Eagerly Explaining How to Become Less Anxious When Choosing the Words You Say.

Batter Up!
It’s baseball season. At this time every year, I get excited for two reasons. I love baseball and it means, the weather gods permitting, Spring is just around the corner.
It also means that while batters may be slugging the ball around the outfield, they are regularly clubbing the heck out of the English language.
Here are just three instances for your enlightenment.

• Anxious vs. Eager

• The Future Ahead

• Masterful Malapropisms

Ready or Not, Here I come?

At the start of every baseball season, I can predict with an absolute degree of certainty that before any team breaks Spring Training, some player, during some random interview will confidently say the following, “We have a great team with a great bunch of talented guys. I think this team has what it takes to win. I am anxious to get the season started.”

Everything that player is saying is all real positive, right up until the end. Every sentiment expressed about his team, its members and their prospect for the season is all positive. And, if that is the case, then why is he “anxious” to start the season.

Most likely he speaks this way because he just does not know the difference between the words “anxious” and “eager”. He is not alone. Unfortunately, in the battle of Anxious v. Eager, anxious almost always wins. This is simply because most people don’t know how to, or even more sadly don’t care to, correctly use these two words. Here’s why this is important.

In his book, “Leadership Is an Art”, Max De Pree puts it this way, that a leader must have “…a respect for the English language, an acknowledgement that muddy language usually means muddy thinking and that our audience may need something special from us.”

In the speaking world we characterize this as “saying what you mean and meaning what you say”.

In her fantastic grammar reference book “Woe Is I”, Patricia T. O’Conner explains that “you can be eager to do something” or you can be “anxious about doing something” but you cannot be both. I use this rule: use “eager” when you are feeling positive or looking forward to the experience and use “anxious” when you are uncertain or have anxiety about the experience.

For instance, “I am eager to go on vacation, but anxious about flying.”

The difference may appear to be subtle to you, but to the listener it clearly indicates a specific state of mind. One of the primary functions of language is to create higher levels of understanding.

As a leader and speaker this is your primary goal.

Meanwhile Back in the Booth

Baseball has a rich tradition of colorful language from Dizzy Dean to Yogi Berra. Who cannot help but chuckle at Yogi’s comment about a popular nightspot when he said, “Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded.” Whether Yogi intended to solicit a laugh or not, his unique way of speaking made him an adept practitioner of the fine balance between humor and accurate language. Here’s another, “It gets late, early there.” It causes us to think a bit and then “get it” after we parse the sentence.

But, unlike Yogi, today’s sportscasters (impromptu speakers) are required to banter back and forth hurling random superlatives in a verbal game of “pepper”. Sometimes what comes out of their mouths is verbally redundant chatter. Among my favorites is, “He’s a really fantastic player whose future is right in front of him.” Where else would it be? Certainly not right behind him. We call that the past. And, while “past may be prologue”, it can never be the future. Or as Yogi once said, “The future ain’t what it used to be”.

Masterful Malapropisms

It’s been said, “You are what you eat.” In truth, you are what you say or what people think they heard you say. Sometimes we mean to say one word and another similar sounding word comes out in its place. This is called a malapropism. The term 'Malapropism' is derived from the French term mal a propos, which translates as 'ill to purpose'.

Once, Danny Ozark, who managed the Philadelphia Phillies was asked about one of his outfielders and he replied, “His limitations are limitless”.

Back in the 80’s, the TV character Archie Bunker from All in the Family, would utter malapropisms at an alarming rate. Here are a few. "Buy one of them battery operated transvestite radios." And, "A woman doctor is only good for women’s problems…like your groinocology." Or my favorite, "A witness shall not bear falsies against thy neighbor."

If humor is your intent, a good malapropism can go a long way as long as you’re willing to have your audience laugh at your self-deprecating use of language.

But if your goal is to lead and inspire people by delivering precisely chosen words of high impact and value, you would do well to head Mark Twains’ advice (from the top of this blog) about the difference between the right word and the almost right word.

Lightning rarely strikes the same place twice and a speaker who confuses their audience with incorrect word selection will rarely get a chance to do it more than once as well.

Please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague. As always, share your comments on this post or suggestions in the comments section below.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

What your audience remembers most.

“The audience remembers two things; the first thing it sees and the last thing it hears. So, first make a profound impression and second an ever-lasting impact.”

— Don E. Smith

Pop Quiz: How many chances do you get to make a first impression?

If you said more than one, go to the principal’s office.

In the art of speaking, you have two chances to make an impression; a first one and a lasting one. Many speakers I know work hard and long on their opening line. Crafting just the right combination of catchy phrase, teasing possibility, and creative nuance is no simple task. I applaud them for this effort. But sadly, for many of them, they are so concentrated on this one aspect they forget they are communicating volumes of information to their audience long before they even open their mouth.

It is clearly evident that your audience is most highly focused at two points in your presentation - when you are first introduced and, if you’ve managed to keep them focused throughout your presentation, at the end when you leave them with your parting thought.

You Cannot NOT Communicate

Communication is a constant process. Even when you think it’s over, it still goes on. And, in the instance I am referring to now, it starts before you may actually think it does. Because of this, it is important for you, as a speaker, to remember that your audience remembers the first thing it sees, which is you. Before you speak, you are the presentation.

The audience remembers and judges your credibility and authority on a variety of things. Among these is your personal presentation. Personal presentation attributes may include wardrobe, posture, facial expressions, eye contact, and confidence. If you take the stage with less than a sense of ownership it’s unlikely your audience will buy into what you are saying. No one trusts an unsettled peddler.

This does not mean that you should dress in formal attire for every presentation. Do so only when the occasion requires it. But it does mean, that whatever attire you choose, it should show a precise level of respect for your audience and the occasion. One rule of thumb is to dress at or one level above your audience. If they are wearing business casual, where a business suit with no tie. If they are wearing ties, you need to wear one too.

Don’t forget to do the rest of the stuff too. Because, as a speaker, you can’t control where your audience chooses to focus their attention, don’t give them a reason to stare at something else. So, shine your shoes, press your pants, and straighten your skirt. In other words, take a moment to look in the mirror and see what they will see. It’s hard enough these days to command an audiences’ full attention. The first impression you make can go a long way toward establishing the connection you will nurture throughout your presentation.

So bear in mind, the audience remembers the first thing it sees and the first thing it sees is you. Use this opportunity to make your profound first impression.

The Two Least Powerful Words in a Speaker’s Vocabulary

Building personal relationship is the primary function of communication. It is the primary function of any speaker as well. Sometimes when we speak it is easy to lose sight of this principle. Speakers often get so wrapped up in the essence of their pitch they forget about building the bond of trust central to all relationships.

I’ve seen it written lately that the two most powerful words in the English language are “Thank You”. I don't disagree. Nothing will help you build the bond of team work and cooperation more than acknowledging someone else’s contribution by saying, “Thanks”. When you’re speaking, saying “Thank You” is a patronizing and very insufficient way to establish the lasting bond. It offers your audience nothing and does very little to connect them to your content and purpose.

After all, in most speaking situations, it is unlikely that you will address the same people on the same topic with the same content more than once. In addition, there is very little of a participatory role for the audience to play in establishing a relationship with you other than being respectful, engaged and appreciative of your presentation. But, somehow, this does not stop a host of speakers from ending their presentation with the words, “Thank you.”

Since the evidence shows that an audience will remember the last thing it hears, doesn’t it make sense that the last thing ought to be of value to them. And that the thing of value, ought to relate directly to the topic, content and purpose of your speech.

So, how can you tell your audience how much you appreciate them and still leave them with a lasting impact?

The Last Thing You Want Your Audience to Hear

At the end of your speech, after you have reminded your audience of the purpose of your speech and all of the supporting points you covered in support of your purpose, this is the time you bring it to a close. This is the time to make your ever-lasting impact. So, say “Thank you” and then “Good Bye”.

Try something like this:

“I just want to take a moment here before my final thought to say “Thank you” for the time and attention you have given me during my presentation. It is truly appreciated.”

Take a moment to smile, make eye contact and nod your head in approval as you acknowledge your audience.

Then launch into your final comment. Make it a single, simple sentence that will button hole the importance of your presentation. And then, stop talking. Smile. Bow your head and look for the person who brought you to the stage.

You may get many or a few opportunities to speak. My advice is to make every one of them count to their fullest degree. Don’t give away the sweetness of the inspiration and expertise you bring to the stage by creating sour moments with a lackluster first impression and listless ending impact.

Making a profound first impression and an ever-lasting impact is totally within your control as a speaker.

Please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague. As always, share your comments on this post or suggestions in the comments section below.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

How to Be an Amazing Speaker and Always Know Your Place

“The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.”
George Jessel

“It is so hard for me to learn the speech I’ve written. Even though I know my stuff, I still lose my place when speaking.”

This comment is a very common issue I encounter in my speech coaching practice. It is one that many speakers struggle to eliminate, many without a lot of success. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I understand your frustration and would like to offer you the following three pieces of advice to help you become an amazing speaker and always know your place:

1. Don’t Write that Speech

2. Write for the eye, speak for the ear

3. Don’t Memorize, Familiarize

Don’t Write That Speech

Recently I received the manuscript of a 40-minute speech that was written in full prose. It was 9 pages long, single spaced, and over 4500 words long. The speaker had talked to me about having difficulty being able to learn, remember and execute all of the content. Part of the anxiety existed around not wanting to miss “some really great lines’ that were written.

Here’s my Tip #1. Don’t write your speech!

I never write a speech. Occasionally, in the context of my notes, I may write a complete sentence. But, shortly after working on the speech, I have reduced the sentence to a key word or two.

So, what do you do if you can’t write a speech? Create it in an outline.

An outline is a highly valuable tool for a speaker. Using an outline makes you focus on the gist of your content. An effective outline has two parts: format and content.

Most speeches follow a basic outline style with a small element added to achieve a desired effect. Other speeches have specific outlines designed to address the occasion of the speech. The key in any outline is to follow the prescribed format, concentrating your content on the key words and phrases you’ll need to know to deliver your speech. Following and practicing a speech based on an outline will also help you to remember the order and substance of your content.

When you write out a speech in its entirety, you may have a tendency to write it in essay style. This creates two problems for you as a speaker. First, you will fall in love with the lovely words and phrases you’ve written. Second, you will try to remember the essay. Remember, your goal is to be an amazing speaker, not an amazing reader.

Both of these problems lead me to Tip #2.

Write for the Eye, Speak for the Ear

You’re no doubt aware that some people learn better by reading and some by hearing. How do you learn best?

When we speak, we are tasked with making everybody learn best by hearing. That’s not as easy as it sounds. Here’s why.

When we write, we write for the eyes. When a person reads it is a solitary experience. The reader sets the pace, pausing where and when it is necessary in order to maximize understanding of the written material. If the reader doesn’t get it, they can stop. Reread it. Look up a word or term they don’t understand. With the written word, the reader is in total control.

In speaking, the circumstance is very different. During a speech the audience is a collective noun. One entity with many ears and disparate brains all experiencing speaker driven and delivered content with the intent of increasing their understanding of new concept or process.

The speaker’s solution for this challenge is to adhere to a practice of repetition that has proven itself effective in all settings. I like to call this repetition method, “The 3 T’s”. It exists as a basic communications tenet of advertising, commercials, and really effective communicators. The 3 T’s, designed to increase the effectiveness of what you say to your audience, are as follows:

1. Tell the them you are going to tell them

2. Tell them

3. Tell them you’ve told them

Most beginning speakers react negatively to this formula. They feel, “all of this repetition just insults my audiences’ intelligence.” In truth, nothing insults an audience more than a speaker who just barrels on about something without taking the time to adequately prepare the audience to receive their content. This is what The 3 T’s looks like in a basic speech outline.

Click here to download The 3 T's

Don’t Memorize, Familiarize

Earlier in this piece I wrote about the difficulty many speakers encounter when they write out their speech and then try to memorize it. All of that added anxiety, and for what?

When you create a speech your speaking goal is to effectively convey a central message and key supporting points to your audience. How you say it is important, but not critical.

Working within an outline will help you to hone in on that central point and be able to say it in a variety of ways. By doing this, you will become spontaneous and fluent in the expression of what you want your audience to take away from your speech. The outline will help you to develop and familiarize yourself with that main point as well as the supporting points you plan to cover. And, because the outline provides a graphic/textual order to the flow of your speech, it will help you to remember the order of the material you plan to cover as well.

“Familiarity does not breed contempt, it breeds content.”
Don E. Smith

It's all about planned spontaneity. About being able to sound more conversational and less like a computer, rotely spewing out memorized data without feeling or connection to your audience.

Memorization brings an unnecessary level of anxiety into play. I believe it is the #2 cause of speaker anxiety. In most situations, a speaker will only deliver their content one or two times. I would much rather listen to a well-organized, practiced, and connected speaker who is comfortable referring to their notes, than someone who tried to memorize their content but ends up apologizing over and over again for missing or forgetting sections of their speech. By the way, most audiences would too!

It’s a safe bet that if you follow the three pieces of advice that I have shared in this blog, 1) Don’t Write that Speech, 2) Write for the eye, speak for the ear, and 3) Don’t Memorize, Familiarize you Will Be an Amazing Speaker and Always Know Your Place.

Please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague. As always, share your comments on this post or suggestions in the comments section below.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

What are the Three Reasons You Need to Speak?

“Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people.”
William Butler Yeats

Whether you speak for a living or as part of your job, understanding the fundamental reason for speaking can be very powerful. So powerful in fact, that it cannot only compel change, it can propel it.

Over the last six years I have had the privilege of coaching courageous survivors of sexual violence in the art of speaking in the Survivors Speak program of Jane Doe No More. Recently, I was recognized by this incredible organization for the contributions I have made to this program. But, as I sat in the audience listening to the words of appreciation from some of “my” speakers, I realized how small my contribution was compared to the impact this chorus of voices has had through the speeches they give and the character they exhibit.

Each of these people resonate incredibly with their audiences because they exemplify the fundamentals behind The Reasons You Need to Speak.

Why Do We Speak?

Speaking is as much an act of compulsion as its counterpart Silence. Both are an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way.

When I coach clients in both speaking and success strategies, I always help them draw distinctions between a Want and a Need. A Want is something you’d like to have. A Need is something you cannot do without.

Speaking, I believe, is an absolute Need. I can’t imagine a day going by without saying something.

In speaking, the object is to draw a distinction between meaningful content and idyll chatter. Speaking is organized thought audibly expressed. Talking or conversation, is a give and take. It is loosely organized around being socially adept at reading cues and allowing for the give and take that makes talking with others so rewarding.

The time allotted a speaker is the significant differentiator between speaking and a conversation. The art of speaking is the ability to make it appear to be a conversation while you do all of the talking. I put it this way to my clients, “A speech is a conversation you have with an audience except it is your turn to do all of the talking.”

Lots of people today, particularly as a result of social media, have more opportunities to say something to a broader audience than in the history of humanity. The consequence of this is a lot of stuff is being said, by a lot of people, all of the time. Some of it is very good and equally, some of it not so good. The critical nature of this current trend is to draw a distinction between two categories of speaker; “those who speak because they can” and “those who speak because they should.”

Those Who Speak Because They Can

In the “those who speak because they can” category I place a lot of executives, politicians, educators, authority figures, and internet hyper-marketers. Once in a while you might hear a speaker who really “nails it.” Unfortunately, the majority don’t. They meander, stumble, and bombard you with an onslaught of “ums” and “ahs”. Worst of all, they struggle to get to their point and often leave you scratching your head asking, “What was that all about?” Sometimes I wonder if they even care about their audiences.

I wish I had the time to work with every one of them. My insights could go a long way toward helping them lead and inspire the audiences they address.

Those Who Speak Because They Should

In the “those who speak because they should” category I place deep thinkers, subject experts, innovators, dreamers, activists, motivators and transformers. Once again, to my chagrin, you might hear a speaker who really “nails it.” Unfortunately, the majority don’t. They also tend to meander, stumble, and bombard you with an onslaught of “ums” and “ahs”. Any of these speakers who struggle to get to their point, leaving you scratching your head asking, “What was that all about?” have done a disservice to you, their central cause, and the collective conversation that relies so heavily on their content. And again, I wonder if they even care about their audiences.

If I could interest them in a session or two, I know I could increase their effectiveness.

The Three Reasons You Need to Speak

When I reflect on the speakers I have trained in the Survivors Speak program, they all represent the best of the “those who speak because they should” category. They do this because they have lived the silence of an unspeakable act and survived to regain the power that is rightfully theirs through the act of speaking.

Each of these awesome people have learned to craft a speech encompassing their story while inspiring their audiences, through their courage and dignity, to speak up and add their voices to the #Voice2Change.

Each of these speakers have met The Three Reason You Need Speak.

1. I speak because I believe have something to say.

2. I speak because I believe I have something to say that needs to be heard.

3. I speak because I believe that I have something to say that needs to heard by someone other than me.

Your Speaking Challenge

The next time you get to speak either for a living, as part of your job, as a civic authority or as a volunteer please keep these three reasons in mind. Think about the opportunity you’re getting to share your thoughts, passion, and vision with a group of people.

If you really have something to say, know what it is. Take the time to organize it and make it palatable to your audience.

If you believe what you have to say needs to be heard, take the time to practice it. Put your best voice forward. Make the lasting impression you desire. Leave your listeners with a message to remember.

I you believe the thing you have to say needs to be heard by others, get to know who they are. What are their needs. How will your speech satisfy their “What’s In It For Me?” desire.

Above all, don’t speak because you can.

Whenever you speak, let it be because you should. Your audience will appreciate it and you will experience the reciprocal benefit that comes from making that bountiful connection speaking affords.

Please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague. As always, your comments and suggestions are delightfully welcome in the comments section below.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer